Director: Micheal Bay
Starring: Shia LeBeouf, Josh Duhamel, & Jason Statham’s Slam Piece.
[rating:3]

Editors Note: Despite having seen Transformers: Dark of The Moon nearly three weeks ago, this is the first chance I’ve had to sit down and gather my thoughts after a week long vacation and a brutal return to work. The hardest part about being the sole contributor to a blog is that when you get set into relaxation mode, it’s very hard to start churning content out again.

There are two franchises that I go into total fanboy mode, the first being Transformers and the other being Star Trek. I never thought I’d see a live-action Transformers movie and was more than content reliving the joys of my 4 year old self watching Transformers: The Movie (1986) on an endless DVD loop. While many fans contend that “Micheal Bay raped their childhoods”, I’m thankful for the effort and energy he put into the franchise, as The Bayverse pays for a lot of the stuff that neckbeards are hoarding in their parent’s basements.

We can all agree that Revenge of the Fallen was a piece of shit with very few redeeming qualities. Recognizing his faults, His Bayness embraced 3D technology and made a very fun and entertaining final entry in the Transformers trilogy. TF:DotM was the followup that I wanted after leaving the theater in July 2007 after having seen Transformers for the first time. It was a little less goofy and formulaic than it’s predecessors, but TF: DotM had some truly stunning 3D effects in rivaling James Cameron’s Avatar. I will save you from further hyperbole and over analysis and break down what I liked/didn’t like … be warned SPOILERS are ahead!

Things I Liked:

Sam didn’t have to get to (Insert Location) with (Plot Device): In Transformers he had to get to the building with the AllSpark Cube. In Revenge of the Fallen he had to get to the pillars with the Matrix. He still ran a lot in this one though.

Leonard Nimoy as Sentinel Prime: It was a great boon to cast Nimoy, who had voiced Galvatron in Transformers: The Movie in 1986. His play on the “Good of the many” line made famous in Star Trek II made me cackle with joy in the theater.

The Robot Battle / Invasion of Chicago: The last third of the movie was balls to wall action with a dizzying amount of super intense 40 foot robots beating the fuck out of each other. Where was this all along?

Humans Actually Did Things: With dreamboat Josh Duhamel leading the team, they actually were able to fight the Decepticons using advanced weaponry and tactics. They did more than laser-paint targets for tactical air strikes.

The Live Action 3D: While Avatar will remain the benchmark for immersive 3D, TF: DotM was the first movie since Avatar to make me marvel at the images coming from the screen. By utilizing 3D, Bay had to slow down his cuts and pull the camera back for some truly stunning action sequences. I forsee lots of people wanting to by 3D TV to recreate this experience at home.

And now for Five Things I Didn’t Like:

The Wrecker’s British Accents: Despite being mulleted, officially licensed NASCAR racers the elite Autobot operations team have British accents. Why?

How Did All That Decepticon Stuff Stay Hidden On The Moon: It all that stuff was up there during the first two movies, couldn’t they have just flown the quarter of a million miles to Earth? Did they really need the Space Bridge to move everything?

Autobots Running “Covert” Ops: Despite having widely witnessed battles in Mission City (where ever that is) and ON TOP OF THE GREAT PYRAMID OF GIZA the world still doesn’t officially know about how the Autobots are buddies with the US government, and are driving around the Middle East blowing up terrorist training camps.

Optimus Prime’s Sociopathic Tendencies: He wants to protect the human race from the Decepticons and he agrees to leave Earth in order to avoid their extermination at the hands of his sworn enemies. BUT the Autobots don’t really leave, they fake their own destruction and hide out in the Atlantic Ocean to teach the United Nations a lesson while Sentinel Prime unleashes a horde of Decepticons on Earth to enslave the human race to rebuild Cybertron. And once Optimus Prime and his team arrive in Chicago for the final battle he vows to kill them all and before the final credits roll, Prime ruthlessly murders his former mentor Sentinel Prime with a giant shotgun blast to the head immediately after ripping off Megatron’s face with his Energon Axe. It was not the honorable way to go, and while the rage was understandable, it was totally out of character for the Optimus Prime we all know and love.