When I was a kid, I made a list of things I wanted to be when I grew up. I would like to share them with you now. The reaction from my guidance counselor in high school was priceless when I brought it in to her.
Career Option #1: Trucker
If Big Trouble in Little China taught me anything it was that even though you might haul something as boring as pigs, there is a good chance that you’d get to fight a 2,000 year old Chinese tyrant. That and you get to walk around with a knife in your boot.
Career Option #2: Colonial Space Marine
Aliens blew my fucking mind. At my young age, the possibility to obliterate a non-friendly, predatory alien species with reckless abandon? Count me in! However it wasn’t long before I realized that this was no where in my wheelhouse (or in my life time). All I wanted to do was to hang out with Private Hudson.
Career Option #3: Cooler
Road House could quite possibly the greatest movie of all time. Not only do you get a good health plan as a “cooler”, you also get to bang the hottest chick in whichever town you’re in. That and apparently in Cooler School you learn how to rip out another man’s throat. Dalton ruled.
Apparently not many colleges and universities have course offering even remotely related to what I had listed … there was always NYU, because that’s where Dalton got his degree in Philosophy at.